It has been a long time since I was writing. I had too much happening in life and just did not feel like contribute. However, I am finally at the stage of my life, I do not care anymore. It is tiring to worry and think too much. I went back to sports and found new love in Aerial yoga and Netflix.
From time to time, I went out with friends and also the reason why I wrote this piece. Few months ago, on one of the trip, my girlfriend was very upset. She moved out and started to talk about separation and divorce with her husband of two years. We were shocked, they looked so happy together.
This couple has known each other for some times, dated a bit and got married. Everything was almost like a fairy tale until the night. My friend told us that she was unable to satisfy her husband. Of course, the first came to my mind, a very horny husband. Unfortunately, not in her case, she has an illness so called vaginismus/vulvodynia. The spell check could not even recognise this word, the irony.
Vaginismus is an illness where women’s vagina tenses up and making penetration painful and difficult. This is not something, we are told very often. She did not know, she had that, she visited a physician and she was not much a help either until she was referred to a sex therapist by her psychologist.
Interesting enough, she was given few suggestion for treatment and she said the therapist was very helpful and she felt confident to talk to her. The psychologist told her that it was treatable and these are the some of the suggestions:
- check with a GP and if you are not happy with them, change your GP or ask for a referral to a sex therapist.
- do pilates (bridge poses actually will loosen your pelvic muscle)
- breathing exercise (relax your body)
- using dilators (dilators are different sizes devices to stretch a vagina)
Dilators, I only realised dilators and vibrators are the same, but apparently vibrators are considered more sexual so some people might consider themselves “loose” for using it, whereas dilators are more medical items.
Anyway, dilators came in few different sizes and you are meant to use from the smallest to the biggest to expand the entrance of your vagina and you can purchase them for a sex shop too. My friend bought hers online but we did went to a sex shop to check it out. It was a funny experience, we went in the store and it was so many stuff that I have never seen or known the existence. The two sales ladies were lovely and giving us lots of assistance. Some of the items, shocked me “wow, really??!!!”. Obviously I need to work on my knowledge.
back to my friend, she underwent the therapy for few months and she is happier, but yes, the treatment has improved her illness, they are now talking about divorce. My friend moved out because recently we found out that her husband is having an affair. He is not keen to divorce her because we believe that he still love her but he is also afraid that she might be sleeping with other men. I feel sorry for them, I do believe there is love between them but she is not able to trust him anymore might be a recipe for disaster unless she is really going to forgive him.
Anyway, I wish them all the best in life and at least she got her family around her to support this ordeal. For those who are suffered in silent with vaginismus, please go and seek for help from an expert, there are many people can help, start with your GP or psychologist, I would not say ask friend because we were useless when we were asked but your friend might be more knowledgeable.