Two years ago, my marriage of 10 years fall apart, it was not an overnight thing, but it was coming and we were in denial. However, I am not here to talk to people as what happened but how do I continue on my journey as a single again.
Marriage breaks down is hard and you will go through a painful period of time but trust me, time will heal, slowly and sometimes a lot slower that you are expecting. Sometimes it might take years. I am here to give you some ideas what and hopefully can ease some of your pain. This does not make me an expert but I just hope it can help some people at least, even just one.
As soon as people heard that about your news, there will be more people willing sharing their experiences. You may listen but do not take them all in, cos you will end up in a crossroad. People’s experiences are different and they are not exactly like yours. Some stories I have heard were horrifying, some people turned so nasty that you are no longer recognising them. Someone I know, the partner decided to take everything and left this person homeless, their marriage, double of mine. They had children together but it meant nothing to the partner.
You are allow to say “NO” and “STOP”, you can stop people sharing their stories to you, you do not need to tell people your story. it is your life and your choices, do not worry about what people are thinking, cos they are not important.
You will need a group of supports, friends are important, if you are lucky and have supportive family, they are good too but sometimes you do not want to let too much of your family knows cos you do not want them to worry. I understand, that is why friends are important. Let them be your pillar and lean on them. There will be days where you want to vent, they will listen or even better, they will help you vent out your steam.
Cry, cry and cry. It helps release the pain and burden slowly, but do not cry too long too. stay hydrated and drink water not wine (alright, some wines might help some days).
Take a sickie, if you do not feel like working, unless you are like me, work is wonderful, I still take sickies when I do not feel like to work.
See a doctor and a counsellor. Doctor is great especially when you need a sickie, I remember, my doctor just wrote a week, few days whenever I want. I get paid still from work while I stayed home and had ice cream. Counsellor can a miss, not the one for you? break and find a new one. I ended up with a wonderful counsellor after few failed treatments with others.
Some days, just play a sad movie and cry along.
Talk to your pets, trust me, cats feel it too, my tom cat, always the first to sit next to me when I cry. My girl just watched me from a distance and loved it when she came and touched my face gently. I felt like being in heaven.
Sleep helps, but there will be night where you cannot sleep and walked around like a zombie, wear fitbits, you will be surprised how quickly you lose weight that way. (always see the positive)
At the start, everything was hard by yourself, broken stuff, you will cry, cant find keys, you will cry, laptop would not start, cry. At the end, you will be feeling this way “yeah, it is a problem but it will get solve eventually by ME”. You will love your independent so much, you will not let it go
Eating by yourself at home or restaurants is going to be a struggle at the start, you might CRY when you do that but after few times, you will get used to it.
Exercise even just walking, in an open space, fresh air will clear your rut brain. You need more happy cells, and exercise is the way to go. You might even join some extreme sports, you will get healthier and happier
Do something fun and the more fun you have with yourself, it will slowly build your confidence.
Stay away from the past, hide everything if you can, if you cannot, let them be invisible. You need time for yourself not the other person anymore. If you have kids, spend time with them and let them know you love them but you will need some babysitting too. Me time is important
Be aware of wolf packs, as soon as people heard you are separating or divorce, men will chase you, trust me, stay away from it, time to build yourself and those people, most of them, just want to have fun. It is true, some women love chasing married men, some men likes women just lose their men. funny isn’t it?
Write or type letters or your feelings, you do not have to send them, some people burn them. I have book, email, letter,boards and notes on phone and laptops. It is good to express it but some of them best not to be sent or seen again. “Do not say things when you are angry, do not promise when you are happy” is the golden rule.
Keep a distance from your ex, sometimes you might think there is a future but why worry about it? get through day by day, it is okay to do it that way. Remember the good times you have, and like me, you can pretend your ex has died too, in some ways, they have.
Get new hobby, painting, calligraphy, drawing, cooking, quilting. find your new talents, it is calling you.
New hair cut, new styles, new something, feel good and feel fresh. You will be surprised how many hairstyles are happy to assist you in this especially when they knew that you just been through a tough time.
Go for a drive, I love beach, what about you? zoo is also a popular place.
See your friends that you have not seen for a long time. Nostalgia time.
Go on a trip by yourself, it is cheaper and great way to meet new friends.
Do not rush to find a new partner, work on yourself, you do not want that emotional baggage to ruin your new relationship. Hates men/women? don’t. It is not worth it, there are great men and women out there. Do not want relationship anymore? perfectly fine, look at me, happier that way.
Do not check on star signs, tarot, runes or fortune telling, over thinkers especially stay away … do not help, I think. Unless you want to start being a superstitious, this way please.
Eat and remember to eat, you need energy to move on
Redecorating, especially if you are staying in the same place, splash of new coloured sheets or anything, make a change and it feels good.
Learn to be nice to yourself, do not think this is your fault, do not be a victim too, just slowly let it go and meditation and yoga also helps. Live today!!!
Hope these tips help a bit and good luck, you will be okay, strong people will get through storm and no matter, how bad the storm is, the rainbow and sunshine will come to you soon.