Lockdown Blues

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I thought we are coming to an end of the lockdown stage 4 in Melbourne, but our Premier decided to make it longer. I know it is for the better good but I want out.

I am tired of being alone in the house with just the cats. I want to see people, not just any people but people that I know and have connection, people that I can talk to and not using phone or zoom or Skype or etc.

I am normally a strong woman but this time, it has taken a toll, the loneliness of no ones to talk to is making me feel sad. I do go out to supermarket and I am allowed to, one hour a day but seeing just a group of random people or the clerks, I do not know them and I want connection, I want the people who understand and I do not need to explain or prove my existence. People who just get it.

I tried to watch a sad movie so I can cry all out, I did cried and I thought I would move on, nah, I am still feeling empty.

This is killing me slowly. Mind you, I have an average of a phone call a day but my job has involved so much screen times, I do not want to talk to screen anymore. I want touch, smell and taste of human being.

First time, I am really craving for sex, or maybe just having someone to hug and caress me. Don’t worry, sex is not possible for me at least I need the connection.

I just want to vent, I just want to complain. So sick of this situation, covid, I hate you so much. Give me back my freedom.

I want to drive to a far away place to see the ocean, I want to go to my favorite restaurants, I want to see my people, I want to travel and see the world and I want to just wake up and be in different place for at least a day, I want to go back to my work and see my students face to face. I want to have noise.

I am starting to talk to birds, dogs and cats. Only the cats are my children but others were just random.



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